Late Night "Roller" Derby

Last night was the first night I noticed how hard it is to roll over in bed, although it’s been going on for a while I’m sure. It really sucks, esp because I have to roll over a lot. The procedure goes like this:
1. Sit up completely
2. Lift butt off the bed by pushing up with hands
2a. Aggravate sore back, swear under breath
3. Swing hips in desired direction
4. Lay back down
5. Locate leg pillow, adjust
6. Locate arm pillow, adjust
7. Resettle awake and annoyed puppy
8. Get husband back to his side of the bed with (first) passive agressive taps on the arms and (second) horomone induced threats that I don’t really mean
9. Brain decides “F#$% sleep, would rather obsess about upcoming exam, post-baby family visit schedule, diaper bag selection, and the fact that husbands arm is a quarter of an inch across the ‘demilitarized zone’”
10. Cry

You can imagine how much fun I am to live with right now.

Watch it Chubby!

Everything went really well at my checkup yesterday. Dr. O measured my belly and listened to Charlie’s heart and everything was as it should be. Dr. O said there’s nothing we can do about the way Charlie uses my ribs as his own personal set of monkey bars, but when I told her I’ve been going through a bottle of Tums a week and having to sleep sitting up, etc she gave me a prescription for Nexium. If I was feeling creative, I would write a love song to my Nexium prescription. Here’s a first draft:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Nexium comes straight from Jesus

How many syllables does a haiku have again? So anyway, the appointment went really well until the end when I was waiting in the hall for the bathroom (why does an obstetrician’s office have only ONE bathroom???). Dr. O took one last look at my chart and said to me “Ooh, be careful with that weight gain.” That’s what she said. What I heard was “Lay off the cookies, Chubby!” She said that I don’t look like I’ve gained too much weight (except for my giant Buda belly, obviously) and asked me AND Ryan if I’m eating an abnormal amount of food (which I’m not) and said that since I’m working out regularly that she doesn’t really understand it but not to worry about it. She said it’ll come right off after delivery. Right. I love many things about Dr. O, but the fact that she has an 8 month old baby and is probably about a size 4 is not one of them. At any rate, the coffee shop has been out of scones for two days and I’m out of discretionary money for the month, so avoiding junk food isn’t too bad right now. But on September 1, I think Ryan is going to find me sleeping on the floor in the family room, iPod blasting, surrounded by crumbs and an empty box of United Bakery chocolate chip cookies with a contented smile on my face.

TTU Aquatic Center is MAGICAL

I’ve been avoiding the pool all week because the last time I went was really disappointing and I’ve pretty much just felt like a giant slug and didn’t want to put on, let alone be seen in, my swimsuit. But I went today because all my underpants are too tight and I don’t really want to have to buy more for the last trimester (especially because it might require a trip to a special store where they discretely sell underpants in sizes larger than can be found in a regular store) and holy cow what a difference! An hour in the magic pool and I almost feel like a normal person again. Not only did I swim three times what I swam the last time I worked out, the guy in the next lane asked me what TEAM I used to swim for and then complimented me on my efficient breast stroke! I had already finished my 800 yd workout when that happened but I tacked on another 100 yds of “efficient breaststroke” because I was feeling a little bit proud of myself. So whoever you are, THANK YOU, even if you were lying. Because lying to a pregnant person is ok if it makes her exercise a little more and puts a spring in her step (or waddle).

Is anyone else hot?

Although it’s hard to detect because 98 degrees is hot whether you’re pregnant or not, it seems that the horomone hot part of the pregnancy has kicked in. At least that’s the conclusion I came to yesterday at teambuilding when I was wondering if it would be appropriate if I took off my shoes and socks while everyone else was huddled in their chairs shivering.Funny husband moment:Yesterday during a break I checked my phone and had two missed calls from Ryan, who was out of town for the day. I was worried something had gone wrong because of the two calls and because he almost never calls during the day. Concerned, I checked my voicemail and received this message: “Hi sweetie, I just wanted to ask you to please turn the thermostat up to the daytime temperature if you are at home or to please do it whenever you go home. Thanks!” I never thought of our electric bill as frantic phone call territory, but I guess Men are from Mars…you know.Have I mentioned yet how SICK I am of studying? I just can’t focus when my body is screaming FEED ME! LET ME REST!” I saw one of my professors from undergrad today and I told him when my due date and qualifying exam were and he said “Oh good so after your test you’ll get some maternity leave?” I just smiled. I didn’t want to say “No, after my test I work frantically up until my due date to get as much done as possible. Hell I might even take my laptop into the delivery room.” Since I live on the verge of tears right now no matter what mood I am in I don’t think I could have made it through the conversation if I’d told him the truth. And being that I had him for a couple of undergrad classes, this particular professor has already witnessed about five too many of my freakouts. I wonder if my doctor would put me on strict stress avoidance orders if she read my blog. Sort of like bed rest for your brain.Back to trying to concentrate. Whatever.

Why oh why…

Why did I not bring my backpack to work today? No backpack = no iPod = BORED. How am I supposed to read about Fast Fourier Transforms without my Johnny Cash? How am I supposed to shop online for diaper bags without my Black Eyed Peas (whoops, ignore that last one if you have anything to do with me graduating)? How could I have been so thoughtless? I looked right at my backpack and thought “I only need a few books, I don’t need to bring that.” Why why why?We had our third childbirth class last night and it was just plain delightful compared to the first two. The lady on this week’s video had been given an epidural and unlike those crunchy exhibitionists on the first two, she was wearing a gown. She gave birth without a peep! And there was no “should I really be watching this” screaming and heavy breathing scene to build up to the big moment. I swear these videos must be manufactured by some kind of anesthesiologists’ professional organization. We finished the class with breathing and relaxation practice again. This time we had to pretend we were pushing. The instructor emphasized “pretend” because she didn’t want to start anything accidentally. I didn’t even know that was possible!Anyway, that’s all I have for you today because I should really get SOMETHING done today and I had to go to this team building thing this morning for school. How is leading someone else around in a blindfold going to make me a better student?

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta’ (with a giant pink duckie purse)

Diaper bags fall into FOUR categories:1. diaper bags that are festooned with cartoon characters, baby animals, duckies, or, most nauseating of them all, Dora the Explorer2. diaper bags that are designed for a monthlong trip through the wilderness3. diaper bags that are specifically designed to not look like diaper bags (these usually look like giant insulated lunch boxes and are made out of something pretty and fashion forward like navy blue or black nylon)4. diaper bags that cost more than $150I propose we add a fifth category: Affordable diaper bags that look like something an adult woman would carry. Call me crazy, but I just don’t think I’m going to need something large enough to carry around the entire Costco size canister of Similac (which is actually something I saw on a recent trip to Home Depot… this chick pulled out the huge container of formula and prepared a bottle right there in the carpet department) especially because if all goes according to plan we’re not going to use formula. My dear friend Heather, who is the most practical person I know and has two wonderful kids, said she never used a diaper bag, she just got a big purse and kept a few things in that. I would love to follow her lead, but we will be using childcare a few times a week and I guess they like you to leave some diapers and food with the baby (sort of like when you take your cat on the airplane and they make you provide food and water for it). The purse idea also presents problems if Ryan wants to take the baby out by himself (as in “I think Mama needs a little break, let’s go to the park until she can retract her claws and come down from the top of the refrigerator”). He’s not metro enough (nor would I want him to be) to carry a “murse” (that’s a man-purse). If you have overcome this particular problem, please leave a comment, I’d love your input. However, helpful comments like “Wait until you see that little baby, you’ll be so in love you’ll be willing to carry around an entire set of Dora the Explorer/Superman/Teletubies luggage just so his little bottom isn’t uncomfortable for even one second” will not be well received and are best avoided until I’m allowed to have alcohol again (or at least regain a socially acceptable level of impulse control).A friend gave me a link to this great website with some dead-on thoughts on pregnancy. That’s where I got the ticker below and if you click on it you will go to the website.

My butt hurts

I rode a bike today. It’s not specifically forbidden in any of the baby books and I had to get from Ryan’s building to the bookstore coffee shop thing by the library and I had my backpack loaded down with my laptop and books and didn’t feel like taking the long boring walk with no one to talk to, so I borrowed my bike back from Ryan (who is borrowing it because his has a flat). Did I mention I’m wearing a skirt? The best way I found to ride the bike was to pedal a little to get some momentum, and then use the pedals to push up and take some of the weight off my (always sore) butt while I coasted.I think I must be growing at some freakish rate right now because every time I see someone I haven’t seen in a couple of days their eyes widen when I walk into the room. Then they say something thoughtful like “Woah!” or “The baby is growing FAST”. If I didn’t get so darn bored I’d stay home altogether. Maybe I’ll start wearing my old shirts. They don’t quite cover my belly and maybe if they caught a glimpse of my stretched out laparoscopy scar and the four or five dark hairs that have grown around my belly button people wouldn’t be as inclined to stare. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn’t be so cynical because they’re just trying to show interest, but you try to endure people staring at you and making comments about your appearance when you already feel like Jaba the Hut in stretchy pants (with slightly less impulse control)!Ryan’s uncle and cousin have been staying with us. His cousin is starting at Tech in a few days. She is really really cool and I’m excited about getting to know her. She’ll be majoring in nursing. I told her to come over whenever she needed to play with a dog or have a real meal or do laundry. She offered to babysit too! I wanted to say “So the due date is November 11th… are you free on the 12th?”

Fourier and husband transforms

I’m really enjoying watching Ryan transform into a papa. On Saturday he fixed my car’s air conditioner by re-soldering one of the wires on a connector that is responsible for turning on and off the A/C. I’m so amazed by his patience. I would have thrown up my hands a long time ago. But, the A/C works better than it has worked all summer now. Last night Ryan gently and patiently pulled a tick off Rossby’s head. He talked Rossby through the whole thing: “I know it hurts buddy, but it has to come out, I’m really sorry!” I’ll stop there so if any of Ryan’s friends are reading this I don’t embarrass him, but I could go on and on.Last night I was awakened by a nice thunderstorm (and Rossby barking at the thunder. Mr. Tough Guy spent most of the storm in bed with us under the covers). We probably got between 3 and 4 tenths of an inch of rain. It was a good rain too, the kind that floats the mulch out of the garden and leaves it all over the front walk and covers the road with leaves and sticks. I am celebrating the cool, cloudy morning with a cafe au lait at the coffee shop; normally I don’t drink hot drinks until well into September.Me and Johnny and Billy are going to get back to studying (that’s Johnny Cash and Billy Joel on the iPod, haha gotcha!). Have a good Monday!

"You’re gonna have a BIG baby!"

Ryan and I both are both a little flakey right now and my poor car is paying the price. You may remember from the last post that I left my door open all afternoon on Monday. Last night Ryan and I took a test drive/trip to the grocery store and this morning when I got out to my car, the driver’s side window was wide open. I think the take-away lesson from these events is that our neighborhood is a lot safer than I give it credit for (or maybe there are just more lucrative theft targets than a 2000 Dodge Neon). I’m still glad my garage door opener remote is cleverly hidden.Last night we went to another childbirth class. The instructor, who had clearly forgotten our little exchange from last week, waved her Diet Dr. Pepper in front of the class and said “Wow, I’m sleepy, I need a caffeine fix and it’s only 7:00 at night!” I emmitted a low growl while Ryan patted me reassuringly on the back and gave me his best “I know she’s crazy, Sweetie, but let’s keep it between us today, whaddaya say?” look.The class was structured much like last week’s: a lecture about what to expect at the delivery and a terrifying 45 minute moan and scream filled video followed by a reward. This week’s reward was the “relaxation techniques” activity. Part one: husband gives wife a long back rub, trying out different massage techniques so we can figure out what I like best. What I like best is being encouraged to go to my happy place while Ryan rubs my back, whatever the technique. After I tried out the techniques on Ryan we moved to the floor to practice combining the massage with the breathing (which I did because I was afraid if I didn’t participate in the breathing Ryan would stop rubbing my back). I practically had to be carried to the car. It was GREAT.This morning at the coffee shop, the lady with the parrot asked me when the baby was due. I said “November” and smiled politely. Eyes wide, she said “Wow, you’re going to have a BIG baby.” I don’t know what my face looked like but it must have been pretty funny because she instantly stammered “I mean, you look great!” Take note: if you can’t think of what to say to a pregnant lady after you’ve asked about the due date, say something safe like “You must be so excited!” or “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” but stay away from comments about her appearance, positive or negative, unless you want to be the subject of a blog or incredulous phone call to her mother.

Earth Mama?

A friend emailed me a link to a cloth-diapering website. I never thought I was crunchy enough to want to use cloth diapers but this website has me convinced. There are several reasons (the technology has gotten pretty good with velcro and leak prevention), but one of the biggest is an article I read about running errands in town with your baby. The author was the first I’ve ever seen to lay out some commmon sense guidelines for what you actually need to take with you. She said to bring three diapers, wipes, a changing pad (and if you use cloth you can use a diaper as a changing pad), and an easy change of clothes for the baby (a onezie for example). Everything else I’ve seen makes preparing to run to the video store with your baby rival packing her for her freshman year of college–not only do you need diapers and wipes, but you also need a full set of clothes for the baby AND for you, toys, four or five bottles, an epi pen, snake bite kit, flares, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I love carrying my backpack around at school loaded down with 30 lbs of books and folders, I just don’t want to take its baby equivalent on a quick trip to the mall to return a pair of pants! The author’s philosophy, which I might make my personal creedo, is “What’s the worst that could happen? You have to go home?” Now I know that this personal philosophy could also be applied with disposable diapers, and maybe the best solution is to use cloth at home and disposable on trips, etc, but I identify with so much of what these mamas are saying, maybe I should give it a try. After all, the worst that could happen is I go back to disposables and will have spent a little more than normal on dust rags.Today’s dilema is that I wore my cute new brown cordoroy skirt to the coffee shop and since my belly prevents me from crossing my legs in any kind of ladylike way I am struggling to find an appropriate sitting position. Maybe I should sit across the table so I’m facing the wall. Bigger question, who really cares?